I got friends in low places...

I learned something today. Something that shocked me. Something that I feel a burden to share with you all, because without this knowledge, something terrible could befall you. This lesson came from the man I call the Office Sage. He is full of useful information, and is willing to share his wisdom at any given time. Like today. Office Sage is a big fan of Singer. Office Sage has been listening to Singer at an unreasonable volume in the office for several weeks now. He’s also had Singer come in to the office a few times for meetings. Office Sage thinks he is going to sign Singer to a publishing deal. Do we work for a publishing company? No, we do not. Does Office Sage do any kind of publishing on the side? No, he does not. But I digress. So Office Sage and Mrs. Office Sage went to see Singer perform in a club over the weekend. Apparently, it’s been a while since the Sages have been to a club. Or a bar. Or, you know, out in public. Office and Mrs. Sage were shocked, just SHOCKED, by what was going on in this establishment. For example, did you know that people DRINK in bars? Like, real actual alcohol. Beer and maybe even hard liquor. Who knew? This is shocking information. It’s even possible that some people might have been DRUNK. Did you know that sometimes, out in public in front of Office Sage and everyone, that people use CUSS WORDS? Not just the little ones, either. Big ones. And they same them loud enough for other people to hear. People they aren’t even talking to! Just alcohol and cuss words everywhere you look. Another shock - Singer was drinking. ON THE STAGE. Straight out of a Jack Daniels bottle. Office Sage was quite concerned about this. Did we think he was really drinking right out of that bottle? How was he able to continue his set? How could he get those songs out? Maybe it wasn’t real. Maybe he filled the bottle with tea or something to make people think he was drinking. Did we think that was a possibility? (No, we did not.) But the real travesty – Singer has a song with the f-word in the title. Now I, personally, am not a fan of the f-word. I don’t use it. But am I shocked when someone else does? No. I hear it hundreds of times a day right here in this very office. You know, where Office Sage works. In the interest of google-proofing this entry, I won’t name the song. But Office Sage would like us all to know that, in his and Mrs. Office Sage’s minds, the f-word means one thing: fornication. But apparently, the crazy kids these days use it to mean something else! All kinds of things! Shocking! Don’t worry, though. Office Sage has plans to sit Singer down and discuss both the onstage drinking and the use of fornication in his songs. We all know you can’t be a successful artist if you drink on stage. No one, anywhere, especially in country music, drinks on stage. Once Singer understands that, he’ll be able to sign a deal with our nonexistent publishing company. Maybe he’ll censor himself. I, personally, am partial to “feck.” “What’s the difference?” “The letter ‘U’.”