I'm over the analyzing tonight...

It’s hard for me to think about major decisions. I’m impatient, and I’m always ready for change. It’s a real struggle for me to sit down and rationally consider the pros and cons of anything. I just want to pick something. We’ll figure out the rest later. Sometimes, these tendencies work out in my favor. Deciding to date someone I met on the internet. Taking this job. Buying pointy boots. As a general rule, the things I jump into blindly turn into positive, and sometimes life-changing, experiences. But some decisions deserve more consideration than others. Buying shoes is not as important as buying a house. Accepting a date and accepting a job are on very different levels. That should affect the effort I put into the making of the decision, but it usually doesn’t. Lately we’ve been questioning a major decision we made back in the fall. We committed to something we thought was one thing, but hasn’t turned out quite like we’d imagined. It has affected our spiritual life as a couple, as well as our social circle. When we made the decision, I was sure we were doing the right thing. And when we told people what we were doing, I had all the right words to convince everyone. Maybe to convince myself. This was right. This was good. So here I am, looking back on the things I once said with such certainty, wondering what the heck I was talking about. Wondering what to do next. Wondering how to make a big decision and feel confident in the final choice. Not only do I not have the answers, I don’t even know the process to find them.

There's just so many things...

Say you have a gift card to Linens ‘n’ Things that will allow you to either purchase: a) 600-thread count sateen sheets in the perfect olivey-green, that will both feel soft and luxurious while you sleep AND fabulously coordinate with your bedside lamps; or

b) A gadget that entrances you every time you see it on TV, that would theoretically allow you to make both your own salsa and smoothies you could then take with you in the handily attached mug, that you would maybe use once before your husband sticks it in the back of the cabinets and you never see it again? It seems like such an obvious choice, and yet I am torn. Me and Natalie Imbruglia.

What I'm listening to.

I’ve been listening to a lot of new music lately. I don’t claim to be a reviewer, and I can’t talk to you about the production or the levels or the effect an album will have on the future of music, but I can tell you why I like it and THAT WILL HAVE TO DO. You Could Have It So Much Better – Franz Ferdinand I love this album because it makes me dance in my office. It starts with a toe-tap. Then I add a bit of a head-bob and before I know it I’m twisting around in my chair and drumming on the desk. It makes me want to be at their concert, or at a party, or in my living room by myself where I can fully dance the way this music makes me want to. I didn’t love the first Franz Ferdinand album. I dug the single, but that was it. And while the single (Do You Want To) is my favorite on this one, it’s a great start-to-finish listen. LOVE. Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung I’ve actually been listening to this one for a while, but I don’t think I’ve mentioned it here. I. Love. Aqualung. It’s melodic and soothing and fabulous. He’s coming to the Ryman in March with David Gray (we’ll be in line first thing in the morning for tickets) and I am beyond thrilled. That is, assuming the show actually happens. Indiana – David Mead I’d heard and loved the song “Nashville”, and picked this up in a used music store a few weeks ago. I really enjoy the whole album – it’s that mellow singer/songwriter thing that gets me every time. But “Nashville” is far and away my favorite track. I listened to it a lot on the drive back from Dallas, and I think it’s one of those songs for me. The kind that are always on your top-songs-of-all-time-ever list. The right song at the right time. The Very Best of Dwight Yoakam – Dwight Yoakam I spent the majority of my life convinced and loudly professing my disdain for Dwight Yoakam. I can’t remember the basis for said disdain (two words that only need four letters! Fun!), but I was very adamant about it. It couldn’t have been because my dad liked him… my love for CSNY and Pure Prairie League has never wavered. Regardless, my opinion of the man has done a complete 180. Maybe it’s because the songs remind me of childhood. Maybe it’s because I love singing “Little Sister”. Maybe it’s because my brain began functioning properly. Careless Love - Madeleine Peyroux

Lighting 100 plays “Don’t Wait Too Long”, and I always find myself trying to be sultry and sing along. This, as you can imagine, is a complete failure. Sultry is not my thing. But this music? Totally is. The whole album is jazzy and moody and sexy, and I love every second of it. Elevator – Hot Hot Heat See “You Could Have It So Much Better – Franz Ferdinand”

Petty, Evil and Judgmental.

Possibly my favorite blog title ever.

Miles the Wonder Dog is a master trickster.

Can I just say? I am so Miles’ favorite. I mean, there is no contest. No question. No tie-breakers. That dog loves me the mostest, and Aaron is a distant second. Veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery distant. I can't even see him from here. When we are watching TV, he always chooses me for some snuggle action. It doesn’t matter where I’m sitting, that’s where he wants to be. He’s especially fond of trying to get in my lap when I’m reading something… that’s sitting in my lap. He’ll flop right down on top of my newspaper or get in between me and the magazine. He knows that thing is getting my attention, and HE WANTS IT. Last night I was on the sofa and Aaron was in the chair, and Miles was (of course) asleep in my lap. I moved my leg and woke him up. After giving me the MILES THE WONDER DOG LOOK OF DEATH, he walked down my leg to the end of the sofa. Aaron then tried to persuade him to come over to the chair. (This, by the way, might be my second favorite Miles trick.) Aaron: Miles, come here! *pats the ottoman* Come here, Miles! Miles: (thinking) Is he crazy? He is so my second favorite. Brandi: He’s not coming. I’m the favorite. Aaron: Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiles. Come here, buddy. Miles: (looks at me, thinking) Watch this. Then he jumps off the sofa and runs toward the chair. Aaron gets ready for him to jump up, and… he doesn’t. It’s a total fakeout. He makes Aaron think he’s coming for some cuddling, but he’s not. He’s doing a 180 and heading right back to me. Because my dog does some sweet tricks. And I am the favorite.

If you find she helps your mind, better take her home...

Happy Anniversary, Parents! We can all only dream of having 34-and-counting good years together. You guys are an encouragement and an inspiration. Thanks for being fun and giving us a crazy childhood. I am forever grateful. I wish I had a copy of your wedding picture (complete with short yellow satin dress, MOM) but this will have to suffice.

Anthropologie hates me.

As a general rule, I am cheap. I’m always looking for a deal, and I rarely buy anything that isn’t on sale. But every now and then, I splurge. In the upcoming months I have at least two dressy occasions – Steffanie’s rehearsal dinner and an after party for a certain lame-o awards show. As I have been known to take AGES to find an outfit for any event, I decided to go ahead and start the search for the perfect dress that will be stunning and fabulous for both occasions. And I found it. It was full price, but I didn’t care. It was gorgeous. But I hesitated. What if it goes on sale between now and April? I decided to hold off and think about it. So today I go back to the website to look at it again and send it to my mom to see what she thinks. And it’s gone. GONE. Not on sale, not full price, not anywhere. Straight up gone. Where did it go, people? Where? This is it. If you happen to see it wandering the streets, searching desperately for its rightful owner (ME), snatch it up. I need it oh so desperately.

I repeat, do not eat the Smart Ones.

As part of my healthy eating plan, I’ve started bringing my lunch to work. I’ve never been good at meal planning, so while the idea of making something at home and bringing it in sounds good, it’s not happening. Leftovers? Sure. But not a whole new meal made in advance. Now, I’ve never been a big fan of the frozen meal. Especially the meat in those things… it kind of grosses me out. But on a whim at the grocery store I headed over to the frozen foods aisle. When I got there, a large, loud woman was blocking most of the freezer doors with her cart and herself. She was very kind, though, (loudly) informing me that if I bought twelve Lean Cuisines, I would save five dollars. I did not buy twelve Lean Cuisines, but I did follow this woman’s advice on which ones were good. I also believed her when she told me that they are the best brand of low-fat/calorie frozen meals, or, as she put it, “Them Smart Ones is nastay.” So far I’ve had cheese ravioli, a roasted veggie pizza and a southwest chicken panini. Y’all. They are so good. I mean, amazingly good. The ravioli was yummy, and with the salad I brought in it made a great and filling lunch. But the pizza and the sandwich? Awesome. And fascinating… how does bread cooked in the microwave come out crispy? HOW? I can’t imagine. But it does, y’all. It’s soft and crispy and not at all soggy or chewy. It’s fabulous. Fabulous. Go buy some.

Nothing in my head is worth it's own entry today.

Today is another rainy day like Friday, I still like them. We had a great long weekend. I feel like most of my weekend posts talk about how lazy we were, but I’m okay with that. We don’t have kids, we don’t have a lot of obligations. It’s a lazy time in our lives. We’re taking advantage. I saw five movies this weekend: Glory Road, Millions, Happy Endings, Mr. &Mrs. Smith and The 40-Year-Old Virgin. And I liked them in that order. I am really glad to have friends that will spontaneously burst into song with you at restaurants. Even when that song is “Born to be Wild.” My most favorite lunch place, Kalamata’s, is now open right down the street from my office. This thrills me like you would not believe. They have fantastic tomato soup. On my way back from lunch Switchfoot was playing on three of my six preset radio stations. I like Fall Out Boy. Have we met? I’m Brandi. I’m 14. And Justin can’t marry Britney or I’ll just cry and cry and cry. There are very exciting possibilities on the horizon with Aaron’s job. No details, but keep us in your thoughts and prayers. This could be very good. I freaking love my dog. It's pathetic.

Rain rain don't go away, oh we need you this dry and dusty day.

I love rainy days. Love them. I could totally live in Seattle, even though I hear it doesn’t actually rain there as much as we think it does and housing costs a million times more than it does here. No matter. I love the rain. Last night I had the joy of being woken up by thunder. I do my best sleeping during thunderstorms. I inched my head around the pillow to see the clock, afraid this wonderful thundery goodness had come right before I had to get up. Doesn’t it always seem to happen that way? You’re all jazzed to go back to sleep, but your alarm is set to go off in ten minutes. This morning, however, the rainy day gods were looking out for me – it was 6:00. Now, I know some of you are reading this and saying, “Six! I’ve been at work for hours by then!” And to that I say, “Nyah-nyah. I get up at eight and I don’t even feel bad about it.” Then I stick my tongue out at you. And then I go back to sleep for two more hours. Getting out of bed on rainy days is tough, especially when it’s the kind of rain that blocks the sun. Your room is dark and cool, the thunder and rain are lulling you to sleep, and you have to get up and get dressed. Not fun. (Less fun for Aaron, whose morning duties include walking Miles. Miles does not love rainy days.) Rainy days are peaceful for me. Relaxing. I feel like there’s less pressure when it’s raining. Late to work? No problem! It’s raining. Of course I can’t work out today, it’s raining. You want me to do something besides sit in this chair and read this book? Sorry, no can do. It’s raining. Love it. Love the rain.

Lately I've been thinking about pretty strange things...

It seems I’ve become quite concerned with highway signs recently, particularly the ones that tell you how far away something is. I’ve found myself checking the odometer as I pass these signs and keeping track (to the tenth of the mile) of how accurate they are. Why this is of such concern to me… I don’t know. Okay, so I’ve done it twice, on the two exits nearest my house on the way home from work. But I will be checking other signs in the near future. No part of town is safe from me. The exit we take, Old Hickory, is exceedingly accurate. Exactly one mile from the sign that reads, “Old Hickory Blvd – 1 MILE” to the exit lane. Very nice. However. The exit before, Harding Place, is one and two-tenths of a mile from its sign. TWO-TENTHS. That is quite a distance. Why, people who put up the mileage signs, would you be so careless? Why not move the sign down the extra two-tenths? I am baffled. (More than I’d admit…)

800 miles away...

It’s hard for me to be friends with you. I wonder if we were to meet today, rather than 20 years ago, if we would be friends at all. I think you would consider me too liberal, too independent, a little weird. Maybe you think those things anyway, or would if you knew the me of today at all. I know that when you look at me you see the person I was at 16; it makes it easier to understand why we’re still friends. Maybe I do the same to you. Sometimes I wonder that we were ever good friends at all. We were shades of the people we are now back then. I know part of it was that we went to school together and participated in the same activities, but part of it was something else. I wanted to be your friend. I wanted something you had. Confidence? Faith? Great hair? Our lives were different then, but we found common ground. I tried to talk to you this time, to help you understand why this brand of friendship doesn’t work for me. Why it frustrates me when you talk about how we’re such good friends, how you know me so well. I don’t claim to know you well anymore. It seems that the façade is enough for you, the appearance of friendship. It’s not enough for me. But I’m torn. Stranded between the work it would take to build a real friendship and the desire to drop it altogether. Deep down I know we’ll do neither. We’ll continue to see each other when I’m in town; you’ll talk of visiting Tennessee but never make it. You’ll say how great it is to have lifelong friends. I’ll nod and smile. We’ll go our separate ways, and that will be that.

How it all began...

In honor of the six-years-one-day anniversary of our first date, I give you The Story. We had been friends for about a year when the date happened. I wasn’t sure it was actually a date until it was over; Aaron swears he made it clear to me from the beginning. Either way, he invited me to see Fantasia 2000 at the IMAX with his friends Paul and Abby. We met them at the theater for the 8:00 showing, but it was sold out. The next show was at 11. Paul and Abby bailed, leaving Aaron and I with three hours to kill. We had dinner (El Fenix?), drove around Dallas for a while, listened to some Milli Vanilli and basically just hung out together until it was time to head back to the theater. Let me pause the story here and make it clear that I had a BIG FAT crush on him at this point. We’d been friends for a while, mostly over email and IM, but during the weeks preceding this evening we’d spent more and more time together in person, and I had it bad. So we get back to the theater and find seats. Aaron is on my right. The movie is fun, but I’m not really paying attention. My focus is completely on Aaron and what he’s doing, how he’s sitting, is he trying to get closer to me???? My thoughts are racing, but I’ve convinced myself he’s not interested. But, just in case, I leave my right hand on the armrest. Just in case. Before I know it, he’s holding my hand. HOLDING MY HAND. He likes me. I am dying. He continues to hold my hand through the end of the movie and the entire drive home. We choose not to discuss said handholding, focusing instead on the fact that we were both on yearbook staff in high school and how fun that was. Fascinating. He takes me home and walks me to the door. The handholding has yet to be mentioned. He gives me a hug and leans in for a kiss. I don’t know where my brain was, but it took me a second to figure out what he was doing, and when I realized it, I smiled. And that kiss landed right on my teeth. Yeah baby. We laugh, and he says goodnight. That was a Sunday night, and Aaron moved to Nashville the following Thursday. We spent every night that week together. When he left, we decided to just stay in touch and see how things went. Nothing exclusive… that didn’t last long. It was official by February. Two and a half years of long-distance dating later, we were married and I joined him in Nashville.

So this is the new year...

I’m back in Nashville. I’ve never been so happy to say four words in my life. Christmas in Texas was good… frazzled, but good. We stayed too long, like we always do. The trip there was eventful, the trip back was much of the same. But we made it. We’re home. Home. This was the first year I truly felt like I was visiting Texas going home to Nashville, instead of the other way around. This trip solidified that my real life is here, in Tennessee. We drove back on Friday, then threw together a New Year’s Eve party for Saturday night. After spending two weeks with family and friends from the past, it was nice to sit and catch up with our friends of today. Our Nashville family. Home. 2005 was a good year for me, a settling year. It was the first year of our marriage where nothing really changed… from January to December we had the same jobs, drove the same cars, lived in the same house. It’s a little scary, when the big things settle down and regular life begins. I thought for sure I’d be bored by now, that I’d need a big life change soon. But I’m going to try holding still for a while. Enjoy the life I have rather than looking for what’s next. Married life was great this year. I can see us starting to find our groove, really becoming an ‘us’. Today is the anniversary of our first date, six years ago. We saw Fantasia 2000 at the IMAX and Aaron held my hand and we talked about being on yearbook staff all the way home. Then he kissed my teeth. It was a good day. I don’t know how we went from two college kids trying to figure out what life should look like to married home-owning professionals with a dog, but here we are. It’s been a good road so far, and I’m thrilled to see where it’s headed. So here’s to 2005. It was a good one.